How could you?

I have been hurt by many, but the pain is much worse when it comes from someone I thought was not capable of such hurt.

Perhaps the attack came from some deep place inside you. Perhaps I brought it on somehow. Wherever it came from, it hurt with the sharpness of a blade that could not have been sharper. You sliced me to the core. You made me feel like a trapped animal, and I lashed out.

Now I am lost. I do not trust that you won't do it again. You made me fearful. You made me want to run away.

Now what?

Why do you call me that?

I call him Speedy.
He calls me Darling.

When we are old and grey (ok, we're already grey), will we still use these names?

"Now why did you start calling me that," I will ask him.
He'll say he doesn't recall and he'll ask why I call him Speedy.
I won't recall either.

Even though we both have perfectly lovely names, I like these names better.
They have character.
They are endearing.

So here's to you, Speedy!
I will forever be your Darling.

Shall we dance?

How do we really get to know another person? We interrogate them. We watch their every move. We note how often they check their phone, or we find out what kind of television they like or don't like. But even with all this information, do we really know each other?

I think we learn a little each time we talk to someone or hang around them, but there is still so much that we do not know. How much do we share of ourselves? If we share something negative or dark, will they think ill of us? Will they walk away? What is too personal? When will the time come when it's ok to share the negative or dark?

It is an interesting dance that we do. We have a persona that we want to maintain, and yet there are things that give us away. We say something a certain way, or we give a certain look. We move a certain way, or we blink too many times. We are complex and we choose to dance in different ways, depending on who we are around.

Maybe it's the dance that keeps us going. We like to move, though sometimes it can be terrifying. I think the best and worst thing about the dance is that we just never know what the other person's next step will be.

When it gets right down to it, though, I like to dance.

Hiking Queen, Not Yet

I have been learning the art of hiking. I say it's an art because I have found that there are many ins and outs that one should probably learn before jumping in and calling oneself a hiker.

First, there are the shoes or I should say boots. Think those sneakers are going to serve you well when you're out there climbing around like a mountain goat? No, they will not. One must pick boots that are either below the ankle, mid-ankle, or over the ankle. Who knew? Certainly not me.  It all depends on the type of terrain you will be encountering. Next, you must consider the weight of the boots, and that relates, ah hem, to the weight of the hiker. The sturdiness of the boots varies, depending on your weight. Yeah, light-weight gazelle that I am, I had to go for something a little heavier because I have, in the words of match.com, a few extra pounds.

Next, one needs to wear the proper clothing. I remember when I was in high school and college, I'd wear those super thick and heavy cotton long johns. No, no, no. No cotton is allowed. It's all about those poor little polyesters that must give up their lives for a polyester shirt. Turns out, polyester is a great material for hiking because it lets you sweat without getting cold. That's where the beauty queen aspect comes in. You have never seen me in a more stunning outfit until you've seen me in my polyester long johns.

You know that old real estate saying: location, location, location? Well, hiking is all about layering, layering, layering. The next layer should be some kind of fleece or wool. After that is the jacket. Windproof, waterproof, warm...the three Ls combined with the 3 Ws. I have yet to find the perfect combo so that I don't look like a total dork. And I hate to admit it, but avoiding the dork look happens to be important to me. My goal? Warm, yet fashionable. Take that fashioneestas!

How about the hat? I've given up worrying about hat hair. Hat hair is all the rage on the trail. The hattier, the better!

Poles? Yes, you should probably use those too. I thought I was being clever picking up a stick to help me on the path until I heard a "crack" as I was climbing over a downed tree. My trusty stick gave up the ghost and nearly took me with it. Poles are definitely in my future.

Well, that's all I've learned so far. Oh, and I've learned that hiking, real hiking, is a wonderful thing. How else would I have heard the smack of the snow geese wings as the geese flew away to escape the evil eagle that was lurking nearby? And birds...they're everywhere and I've really only seen a few.

So, help me tie up my boots and toss me that dorky hat. I'm ready for an adventure! There are more things to learn about hiking. I aspire to be the hiking queen!

Prepping for the Big H

What have I been doing while waiting for hurricane Sandy to hit?

• Gone to the grocery store at least 10 times, in hopes of finding just the right combination of non-perishables.
• Walked around my development 19 times in an attempt to calm my nerves
• Danced in my kitchen to Bonnie Raitt songs...take it from me, it wasn't pretty.
• Cooked enough chili to feed an army.
• Packed my "go" bag, a bag full of my most important possessions 

The Storm

It's weird about the hurricane. Even though losing power for a week is nothing in comparison to losing your home, it was still pretty traumatic. Sitting in your house and not knowing what's going to happen next was a pretty scary thing. Nothing that you were used to doing was possible once it was over. You didn't know which roads would be open or if water was going to be limited. Could you get gas? It was freaky that the phones--both land lines and cell--were out for a period of time. So even if you didn't lose your home, it was still a tough time.

Everybody at work has been remarking about how off kilter they have been feeling since the storm. I think most are finally beginning to feel that things are back to normal, for the most part. It does weigh on your mind that there are so many people who are suffering from losing their homes, and the thought of losing big sections of the Jersey shore is really sad. Over the last 2 years, I've been spending a lot of time there, and I'm really sad to know that so many of those areas are, for the most part, gone.

The lines at the gas station are finally gone, but there are still many signs of the storm. For example, there are still lots of trees down. These are not just little twigs, but gigantic pine trees that I'm sure are very old.

Everybody I know is planning to get a generator, just in case we have another storm. In other words, people feel pretty certain that this was not the last of the big, crazy storms. I think that's definitely a shift in attitude.

I am very lucky to have good friends who kept checking in. I have a core set of neighbors who banded together and helped each other. That was a very comforting thing.

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving! We do all have so much to be grateful for!

Dear Date

Before we go out, you must provide:

• fingerprints
• driver's license
• FBI dossier
• urine sample
• snippet of hair

Ready to go?