I have lost my child...not to illness or violence, but nonetheless, she is lost. I have lost my child for reasons that I have yet to uncover. I have joined the ranks of parents whose children are "alienated." I never thought that word would ever be uttered in the context of my family. It is a word that carries with it tremendous pain and sorrow.
It began nearly a year ago when she stopped returning my phone calls on the weekend. (For a long time I was reluctant to leave my house because I enjoyed those calls so much that I didn't want to risk missing one. At times, they would last for at least an hour.) Then she stopped emailing me. I clung to the occasional three or four-word texts, but soon those stopped too. The final text I received was one where she told me she would not see me. She chastised me for thinking I could stop the embargo on communication she imposed. It is up to her, not me, when the relationship will resume, she told me in a harsh tone that I have never heard from her before. I worry that it will never resume.
Would I feel better if I knew the reason she has chosen not to have a relationship with me? Perhaps that would be worse.
She says that this is temporary. She needs "space." Isn't that what you tell your spouse or your boyfriend when you're about to break up? There is already a huge amount of space between us now. She lives on the west coast and I live on the east coast.
I have lost my child.
