I went to a local restaurant to meet a friend of mine for lunch a few days ago. When I entered the restaurant, a guy sitting at the bar pointed to me and waved hello. I smiled and said hello back--I'm friendly like that.
As I looked around for my friend, the guy persisted and asked if I was looking for him. "Are you J....." I thought he said my name and I said yes and then thought perhaps I had met him elsewhere.
After a few seconds, I decided I definitely did not know this guy and I began to shake my head vigorously. "I'm not the person you're looking for."
But again, he implored, "are you J..." Again, I nodded yes, but assured him I wasn't who he was looking for. I suddenly realized he was saying Judy---not my name. "I'm not Judy. I'm Julie. I'm not who you're looking for." That didn't stop him though. As I turned around to leave, he stepped toward me and said "If the guy you're looking for doesn't show up, let me know and we'll have dinner."
Seriously? Judy--if you're out there. Drop this guy. He's waaaay too easy!!!
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Ceremony, Again
After much discussion, my son and his fiance will go to City Hall to satisfy the legalities of their wedding, but a good friend will "marry" them at their party. They will recite vows in public. I am happy. The bride's family is happy. They are happy. Happy dance, anyone?
Sunday, July 22, 2012
What is the purpose of ceremony?
My son and his fiance are struggling now with whether to have a public ceremony for the wedding. Their initial plan was to get married at City Hall with a justice of the peace. A few days later they would have a big party and invite all their friends. The question of who to invite to the City Hall "ceremony" became a thorny one. It is likely that there is little space in the City Hall chapel so someone would probably not be invited to the event. Who should be excluded? The siblings? But are they not important to the event? What about the aunts and uncles? There are more on one side than the other. For that matter, there are more parents on one side than the other (because of divorce and remarriage)!
After considerable discussion, my son called to say that they were thinking of not inviting anyone to the civil ceremony. They would simply go the court house and get married on their own. No parents. No siblings. I was very surprised at my own reaction. How would you feel about that, my son asked. Honestly, I said, I would be very disappointed. The ceremony doesn't matter, he explained. We'll all be together for the party. That's the part that we really want. The ceremony doesn't mean anything to us. It's just a legal formality.
I hung up the phone, feeling rather dejected. The initial thrill of their plans had worn off, and disappointment was starting to set in.
I sat down at my computer and tried to explain to him why I think a ceremony is important. It's funny. I had never really explained to him the importance of ritual and ceremony even though I had always made sure that each birthday and graduation was always marked in some way. Even at Christmas, many of the traditions we had established when the children were small are still celebrated with them as adults. Ceremony, I thought, is important, but why?
1. A public ceremony announces to the world that something important is happening. It is a sign of a new day. Relationships are changing. We should acknowledge that.
2. A ceremony, especially a marriage ceremony, is a call to action. It is a request to those in attendance for their utmost attention and interest. They are witness to an important event, and they are being called upon to be supportive.
3. It marks the joining of two families. We are one in support of this couple.
4. It is the reason for the celebration. How do you celebrate something you have not actually witnessed? Ok, you don't have to have been present at a birth to celebrate someone's birthday, but it certainly makes it more important if you have been! I guess that's just a parental thing. I was there at the beginning, and I'd like to be there for all the important stuff in the middle!
5. It makes the party complete! We have taken part in something momentous. Now we can celebrate.
I do not know where this will all end up. Maybe they'll have a ceremony. Maybe they won't. I do not want to get between them and make things unpleasant. I said I would, of course, go along with whatever they decide, and I certainly will. Their happiness is my first concern. Though it has caused some anxiety, I think it's good that this has come up. It has given my son and me a chance to have a discussion about our values. Would it have come up on it's own? I don't think so. Sometimes we assume that by the time our children are adults we have imparted all the wisdom we have, and then something like this comes up.
In the end, there will be great happiness. I am sure of that.
After considerable discussion, my son called to say that they were thinking of not inviting anyone to the civil ceremony. They would simply go the court house and get married on their own. No parents. No siblings. I was very surprised at my own reaction. How would you feel about that, my son asked. Honestly, I said, I would be very disappointed. The ceremony doesn't matter, he explained. We'll all be together for the party. That's the part that we really want. The ceremony doesn't mean anything to us. It's just a legal formality.
I hung up the phone, feeling rather dejected. The initial thrill of their plans had worn off, and disappointment was starting to set in.
I sat down at my computer and tried to explain to him why I think a ceremony is important. It's funny. I had never really explained to him the importance of ritual and ceremony even though I had always made sure that each birthday and graduation was always marked in some way. Even at Christmas, many of the traditions we had established when the children were small are still celebrated with them as adults. Ceremony, I thought, is important, but why?
1. A public ceremony announces to the world that something important is happening. It is a sign of a new day. Relationships are changing. We should acknowledge that.
2. A ceremony, especially a marriage ceremony, is a call to action. It is a request to those in attendance for their utmost attention and interest. They are witness to an important event, and they are being called upon to be supportive.
3. It marks the joining of two families. We are one in support of this couple.
4. It is the reason for the celebration. How do you celebrate something you have not actually witnessed? Ok, you don't have to have been present at a birth to celebrate someone's birthday, but it certainly makes it more important if you have been! I guess that's just a parental thing. I was there at the beginning, and I'd like to be there for all the important stuff in the middle!
5. It makes the party complete! We have taken part in something momentous. Now we can celebrate.
I do not know where this will all end up. Maybe they'll have a ceremony. Maybe they won't. I do not want to get between them and make things unpleasant. I said I would, of course, go along with whatever they decide, and I certainly will. Their happiness is my first concern. Though it has caused some anxiety, I think it's good that this has come up. It has given my son and me a chance to have a discussion about our values. Would it have come up on it's own? I don't think so. Sometimes we assume that by the time our children are adults we have imparted all the wisdom we have, and then something like this comes up.
In the end, there will be great happiness. I am sure of that.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Legs don't fail me now!
Took a great bike ride with the AMC club today. We started out at Allaire State Park and rode all the way out to the Jersey shore...Bel Mar to be precise. What a beautiful day! The complete trip was about 26 miles and included a lunch stop on benches that looked out over the crashing surf.
The water was rough and the waves crashed violently on the shore. Sun bathers were out in force and bikini-clad babes were everywhere (something the guys on the bike ride appreciated).
The clouds were huge and fluffy and the temp was in the upper 70s. After a week of 100 degree temps, the low temperatures were a welcome relief.
At times, the ride reminded me of when my brother John and I used to ride our bikes (somewhat recklessly) through the town where we grew up. He was in charge of me--his baby sister. I suspect our mother never knew the extent of our daily rides, which of course, made the rides even more exciting. We dodged traffic and rode as far as we could. All my mother knew was that we were home safe and sound by the time she got home from work. For all she knew, we had spent the afternoon watching the Roadrunner and the Flintstones.
Good times then. Good times today. Thanks to my trusty bicycle!
The water was rough and the waves crashed violently on the shore. Sun bathers were out in force and bikini-clad babes were everywhere (something the guys on the bike ride appreciated).
The clouds were huge and fluffy and the temp was in the upper 70s. After a week of 100 degree temps, the low temperatures were a welcome relief.
At times, the ride reminded me of when my brother John and I used to ride our bikes (somewhat recklessly) through the town where we grew up. He was in charge of me--his baby sister. I suspect our mother never knew the extent of our daily rides, which of course, made the rides even more exciting. We dodged traffic and rode as far as we could. All my mother knew was that we were home safe and sound by the time she got home from work. For all she knew, we had spent the afternoon watching the Roadrunner and the Flintstones.
Good times then. Good times today. Thanks to my trusty bicycle!
Friday, July 20, 2012
Yet another tragic shooting
There's been yet another horrible mass shooting today. This time it was at a movie theater where the latest Batman movie was playing. The shooter rose out of the dark and burst into the enthusiastic crowd who were just out to have some fun. He killed a dozen people and injured many others. He even booby trapped his own apartment, I suppose in hopes of killing cops who might arrive to search his apartment after the shooting. He was right. They came to search the apartment, but they wisely approached with great caution and found the lethal devices the man had set up before they detonated.
It is no solace to anyone to know that the man may be mentally ill. People have lost family members to the senseless act of a shooter. Arguments are raging over how to stop these things, and yet most likely, nothing will change. People will still be able to go out and purchase guns under the guise of protecting themselves. Others will continue in their isolation to brood about their situations and then to plan mass destruction of complete strangers.
Network news will play hours and hours of horrific sights and sounds from the shooting. Reporters will interview victims and surmise about the motive.
Families will grieve. They will bear the open wounds of survivors for the rest of their lives. Security will be temporarily increased at movie theaters, and gun dealers will continue to sell guns.
It is truly a sad day. One that will be swept away by other events tomorrow.
I hope those who died will rest in peace and that those who were left behind will some how be able to continue on.
It is no solace to anyone to know that the man may be mentally ill. People have lost family members to the senseless act of a shooter. Arguments are raging over how to stop these things, and yet most likely, nothing will change. People will still be able to go out and purchase guns under the guise of protecting themselves. Others will continue in their isolation to brood about their situations and then to plan mass destruction of complete strangers.
Network news will play hours and hours of horrific sights and sounds from the shooting. Reporters will interview victims and surmise about the motive.
Families will grieve. They will bear the open wounds of survivors for the rest of their lives. Security will be temporarily increased at movie theaters, and gun dealers will continue to sell guns.
It is truly a sad day. One that will be swept away by other events tomorrow.
I hope those who died will rest in peace and that those who were left behind will some how be able to continue on.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Old Friends
Out of the blue, a friend of mine who now lives in Hong Kong, called and asked if she could come and visit me. She has lived in Hong Kong for the last 20 years, and I have seen her only a few times in all those years. Prior to leaving for Hong Kong, she and her husband and three children had lived next door to my family and me (husband, three children, and me).
After a long embrace, the stories began. A story about a mother for whom she provided care for years. A story about a daughter who married without telling her parents.
We traded frustrations and joys. We laughed about our mistakes. We cried about our pain. We reminisced about times gone by.
We visited the old neighborhood and took pictures in front of our old homes.
We embraced again and she went on her way...back to Hong Kong.
It was as if we had never been apart.
After a long embrace, the stories began. A story about a mother for whom she provided care for years. A story about a daughter who married without telling her parents.
We traded frustrations and joys. We laughed about our mistakes. We cried about our pain. We reminisced about times gone by.
We visited the old neighborhood and took pictures in front of our old homes.
We embraced again and she went on her way...back to Hong Kong.
It was as if we had never been apart.
Pure Delight
I did not think I would be so excited, but I can hardly contain myself. My middle child, a son, called to say that he had just proposed to his girlfriend. The delight in his voice was palpable. The wedding is close to a year away, but they have already started to make the plans, write the invite list, consider the menu. It is a sweet time, and I cannot wait for the big event.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)